Vanity & Gluttony

Years ago, I'd often have people ask me, "How can you eat like there's no tomorrow and still not gain any weight?!" I think I answered carelessly with something like, "I don't know, I'm just lucky, I guess.".  You know what I should have said though? I should have said "I should stop eating like this because it's all going to catch up on me." Not only has it bloody caught up, it now has a HUGE lead!

I started noticing the weight gain when my clothes didn't fit me anymore. I had to buy new ones, not a lot at first, because I thought it was just a temporary state. Well, temporary schmemporary. I eventually had to buy more clothes in the new dress size after months of feeling like a walking stuffed sausage. However, I couldn't bear to depart with my old clothes, so I kept them all in my overflowing closet. I thought why discard these clothes when I'll be back to my old dress size next month?! And so it went on for years, denial, denial, denial...until, finally, I had a breakthrough last year: acceptance. I swear, it is so much like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief. I finally was able to donate all of my wonderful but ill-fitting clothes to the townspeople of Tibiao.

Unfortunately, there is a twist, even after the acceptance stage. The twist is called getting-married-next-year. I NEED to lose weight. Yes, yes, I know the answer to the problem, mom's a dietitian, dad's a doctor, they both always say (everybody now) "DIET and EXERCISE!" But it's so hard! I don't like to sweat and I don't like to change the way I enjoy my food. I want to be able to snap my fingers, just like that, and shed all the pounds away. Trimspa, baby? Errr, maybe not. Bangkok pills ala Judy Ann Santos? nahhh. My sister suggested tapeworm...OMG!!! Does anybody know of a get-thin-quick scheme I could use? Email me, I'm desperate!

-posted by tanya-